The Simmering Stew of Schemas

I chose to blog about schemas in this post.  My intentions were to create a two-part segment (perhaps three) with this being the second.  However, schemas kept popping up in both my personal and professional lives, and I’m taking it as a sign.

Schemas are beliefs about how we see ourselves, others, and the world.  They are neither fleeting nor easily altered.  Schemas are entrenched and at times, so inconspicuously interwoven, we cannot comprehend the depths they reach.  Think Jacques Cousteau.  James Earl’s voice.  That deep.

Here are some basics about schemas: 

1)  Everybody has them 

2)  The source of most start very early in life  

3)  There are healthy schemas  

4)  There are unhealthy schemas, a.k.a. maladaptive schemas

Personally, I think of maladaptive schemas as a big pot of gumbo.  Mumbo-jumbo gumbo.  There are emotions, memories, sensations, thoughts, and various other ingredients tossed in throughout our lives.  Our pot of gumbo sits on the stove top, simmering, until someone or something comes along and cranks the dial and turns up the heat.  Whoa! What happened?  Our gumbo is boiling and things are bubbling up to the surface that had floated way down to the bottom of the pot. 

During these times, we notice our schemas, or at least we notice our REACTIONS to our schemas.  However, our pot is always simmering, so what is happening between these bouts of intensity?  How do maladaptive schemas even develop?

Although this may appear bass-akwards, I’m going to briefly address maladaptive schema development.  I’ll cover it more in part two. 

During our childhood and adolescence, we have basic needs.  Food, water, shelter, affection, nurturing, protection, empathy, understanding, safety, and guidance.  Huh? Ahh yes, the emotional needs.  Many adults swear up and down, “I had a great childhood!” because their parents did not abuse them or blatantly abandon them.  At times we realize that a parent was physically there, but emotionally absent.  A child may have been overly protected, controlled, or placed on a pedestal.  Of course, some of us experience severe incidents of trauma or prolonged abuse and neglect that lead to the development of pervasive and/or multiple maladaptive schemas.

Dr. Jeffery Young developed schema therapy, co-authored Reinventing Your Life, and has a website with several tools for practitioners or the general public for self-assessment.  I’ll post a link at the end.  Schema therapy is an offshoot of cognitive-behavioral therapy, and attempts to address the source of our vulnerabilities.  Dr. Young came up with eighteen maladaptive schemas: Abandonment/Instability, Emotional Deprivation, Entitlement/Grandiosity, Defectiveness/ Shame, Subjugation, Unrelenting Standards/Hypercriticalness, Mistrust/Abuse, Self-Sacrifice/Recognition-Seeking, Social Isolation/Alienation, Dependence/Incompetence, Vulnerability to Harm or Illness, Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self, Failure, Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline, Approval Seeking, Negativity/Pessimism, Emotional Inhibition, and Punitiveness.

Although schema therapy is typically used with adults, a recent publication, Counseling Children: Core Issues Approach, applies schema therapy among the child and teen population. 

Okay, let’s check on our simmering pot of mumbo-jumbo gumbo.  Why do we even keep this glob of voodoo on the stove?

Because we are human, and the human species are creatures of comfort.  We hold tight to what we know, even when it is unhealthy.  We seek out, sometimes unknowingly, people who will fit our schemas (healthy and maladaptive), because they allow us to perpetuate our schemas and how we see our self, the world, and others.  Makes you wish you were a dog, doesn’t it?

This is what we do to keep that gumbo simmering.  We distort our thinking.  We choose self-defeating patterns.  We develop unbalanced coping styles.  In regards to coping styles, there are three, following the primitive and well-recognized fight, flight, and freeze response.  In relation to schemas, we overcompensate (fight), avoid (flight), or surrender (freeze).  Some of us prefer one particular style, others like to mix it up, which is especially fun for our partner!  Each coping style presents very differently, but stems from the same maladaptive schema.

Let’s use the emotional deprivation schema as a model.   An emotionally deprived person believes his or her emotional needs will never be met.  With this schema, a self-defeating pattern would include choosing partners who are not emotionally available, giving, or willing.  If using overcompensation to cope, this person resembles someone with the “little man syndrome,” provoking fights with their partner.  They may be emotionally demanding of friends, family, and their partner.  Essentially, this person behaves in the complete opposite of the schema in order to hide or prevent a trigger.

Avoidance appears to be self-explanatory.  Yet many may not realize they are employing this coping style.  Traumas are buried involuntarily.  Using emotional deprivation again, a person may avoid intimate relationships or perhaps use illegal substances to numb thoughts, fears, or feelings.  Avoidance, therefore, can be based cognitively, behaviorally, and/or emotionally.

Lastly, we have the surrender coping style, which parallels the primitive freezing instinct.  This stems from the body’s physiological response of immobilizing under duress, perhaps, for example, standing in front of a saber tooth tiger.  In most instances, you would essentially surrender to the trauma and be eaten.  The same concept applies in modern day reality. 

A person with emotional deprivation who surrenders to his or her schema chooses partners who are incapable of providing for their emotional needs, which only reaffirms his or her belief that emotional needs will never be met.  The person with this coping style never asks anyone to meet his or her basic emotional necessities .

Depending on how strong the particular schema and/or severe the trigger, we may use an onslaught of coping styles.  The older we get, we tend to develop into major league pitchers, honing our skills, coming up with sinkers, curve balls, sliders, and the deadly heater (all coping styles) to throw off batters (healthy/unhealthy partners and/or triggers).

If you managed to get through this lengthy blog without being utterly confused or falling asleep and doing a face plant on your keyboard, congrats!  Here is what is wonderful about schemas:  They are a tremendous tool for self-awareness, provide another means to conduct psychoanalysis on others (if you are into that), and most importantly, will actually help you strengthen your relationships with others.

It is the natural tendency to strive towards healing.  By identifying and developing an awareness of your schema, the battle between self-defeat and healing can begin.  Once you recognize your schema, you can begin the process of discovering where it developed and how it has stewed, bubbled, and boiled over the years.  You begin to notice your reactions to your schemas and in time, begin to separate the reaction from the reality. 

Take the time to learn more about these schemas by visiting Dr. Young’s page.  There is too much information to write about and post on a blog which is not entirely devoted to schema theory.  Yet many have written about maladaptive schemas and his work.  You can find his page HERE

I have also attached the Young Schema Inventory in a separate PDF file on this blog page in the right hand column, along with a scoring guide.

If you would like the link for the inventory for the Young Schema Inventory can be located HERE

Have fun, more to come soon!

Jekyll and Hyde Bullying

Last year, my agency was part of an all day educational seminar at a local middle school, in which community professionals presented on various topics to the students. The topics covered life skills, mental health, and other issues the school administration deemed important.  I was given the task to present on bullying. I would give the same talk 8 times that day. Needless to say, I think I should've had some CEUs on bullying coming my way, but oh well. 

In the initial presentation, I asked the students, by a show of hands, if they had been bullied.  The second time around, it dawned on me, and I followed that question by asking who had also bullied. Every class provided interesting yet similar results.  Students would raise their hands both times. Victim and bully, the same kid. Why would somebody do that to someone when they know the fear, humiliation, and anxiety it can cause? 

Then I came across this article, and it provided some affirmation for what I could only hypothesize. The statistics for the Bully-Victim are astounding. Anyone coming in contact with kids, whether it be as a parent, educator, counselor, what have you, needs to be aware of the family dynamics that could be motivating the behavior. Furthermore, are we aware of the potential safety threat in the home of the bully and Bully-Victim?  Please take the time to read the brief article attached. 

http://tinyurl.com/3bwuaqq

Bully-Victims are: 

• More than 3 times likely to report being physically hurt by a family member

• More than 3 times likely to witness family violence 

• More than 3 times likely to report seriously considering suicide and/or intentionally injuring themselves 

With bullying on the forefront, it's important to look beyond the scope of the individual as well as eliminate the black and white thinking in terms of bully vs. victim. 

Just my 2, maybe 3...cents worth ;)

Do we need a dunce cap?

At what point do we stop playing? I mean really playing? Uninhibited, undeterred, and free. At my agency, we transport most our clients. The pre and post session car ride adds an interesting facet to the therapy session. When we get to the parking lot, several of my little clients look for cars, glance at me, and then race to my car. The glance at me is sometimes a taunt, at others an invitation. "Come play, run, race!" Which I do. However I am not in the moment like this child. And I should be.

Children show us, everyday, how to de-stress.  They paint, write, sing, and create for the pleasure of the creation and the activity. They play for the sake of play, not to burn calories and fat. They dream, simply to discover and enjoy the realm their imagination.  Not to fatten their wallet or plan an agenda.

As adults, we smile at the endearing acts and statements of children, yet dismiss them nonchalantly. We rarely consider the child as a teacher, and we should.  I am adding a link to Adora Svitak, a 12 year old who published a book at age 7.  She spoke at the TED conference, addressing the topic of reciprocal learning between adults and kids.  If you don't agree with me, take her word for it...I mean, how many 12 year olds do you know that go on lecture tours? :)  

http://tinyurl.com/y8s9v2w

 "We kids still dream about perfection. And that's a good thing because in order to make anything a reality, you have to dream about it first."  -Adora Svitak

Facing The Music

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent." 

-Victor Hugo

Music moves us all. It is part of our culture, our history, our own personal vibe. Today's teens will be annoyed with the music of tomorrow. Or at least a few will.  

My teen clients are encouraged to express themselves, to share their music (or anything) with me if they wish.  Some scan YouTube, others plug in their mp3 players. They nod their heads in rhythm, and check for my reaction out of the corner of their eye.  I maintain a "therapist's reaction" most of the time, but sometimes I let them know that the lyrics are tough to take.  Why?  Teens aren't idiots, if you don't react, they'll see right through you.

As a trade off, I also share my music. For many of my female teens, I compile a CD of songs to broaden their perspectives on gender, culture, race, and history.  And because I have a reputation to uphold, I keep the music pretty fresh. ;)

I assign it as homework, have the client listen to the songs, and we discuss the lyrics and their reaction to the music. I keep a copy with me to help the discussion.

This was something I tried to help promote self-worth, as well as increase a sense of history in a specific client. Loved it.  Here are a few of the songs I selected:

I Choose - India Arie

Coal War - Joshua James

Melody - Kate Earl

One Day - Matisyahu

She's Got Her Ticket - Tracy Chapman

I'm Feelin Good - Nina Simone

Shelter - Rolling Stones

It Takes A Village, People!

A short time ago, as I was waiting for one of my younger clients outside the school’s main entrance, I noticed a young boy throwing gang signs to a classmate on the bus.  Being a few feet away, I came up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder.  He was barely to my waist.  He quickly looked up, startled.  “Hey there,” I calmly said.  “C’mon man, there’s no need for that.  You don’t have to get into that kinda stuff.”  I smiled, attempting reassurance.  “It’s okay, you’re not in trouble, but what you’re doing, it’s not alright.”  The boy didn’t know what to say, still caught off guard by my interruption. 

A week or two later, I was telling a few colleagues about the incident.  Being that Rockford is a very low SES and gang-prevalent area, there were comments made (somewhat jokingly) that the boy will have someone come after me as a result. 

However, my reasoning for approaching him was simple.   Regardless of who we are, what we do, and where we live, we all have a stake in our community.   The days of the mom and pop stores are gone, and we no longer have the comfort of community “guardians” to keep us in line.  Classrooms are gaining students.  Parents are overworked and stressed, forced to multitask.   And that is if there are two parents.

As a therapist, I see firsthand the effects these stressors have on our youth.  As a citizen, I too am tempted to point the finger at the parent or guardian.  Or perhaps I should blame the teacher, since most of the children I work with spend the majority of their day in a Title I school.  These are the people who are not passing on the lessons to our youth, right?  Not so fast.

Unless you are a hobbit, or have somehow otherwise managed to avoid civilization, (which of course would make it incredibly odd for you to be reading this blog) then you are indeed a part of a community.  This isn’t about volunteering, which is tremendous and a necessity for the soul (in my opinion), but is about your role, duty, commitment, what have you, as a citizen of your community. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of people who make a habit of this, and do so on a much greater level than I do.  I am the first to raise my hand and admit that I miss opportunities.  It doesn’t take a monumental effort.  Pick up trash along a street.  Go to a park and shoot a ball around with kids.  Make conversation with people who seem lonely or sad.  For one day, hold the door open for anyone.  Paint over playground graffiti.  Bake some cookies for the homeless shelter.  Swing by the local Boys and Girls Club for some play time.

The youth in your community, your ENTIRE community, regardless of SES, race, ethnicity, beliefs, or culture, are in fact, YOUR youth.   They are a reflection of you.  As though they were your kids, grandkids, nieces/nephews, little sister or brother.  If we start viewing our community in this respect, perhaps we all would be a little more likely to take part. 

Working With Kids: Keep it Simple

Working with kids who have experienced severe abuse and/or trauma is easy.  Children are more accepting, more resilient, and typically, more likely to engage in the process of counseling than many adults.  What makes therapy with this unique population so difficult are the adults! 

As a former athlete, I heard the acronym KISS, “keep it simple silly” numerous times.  (Well, interchange silly with what S-word you feel fits best) While learning the basics of child-centered play, I often wondered if something this simple could really work.  Of course, there is an underlying complexity, intertwined with counseling theory, child development, and various other fields.  Yet the delivery was uncomplicated. 

If you have spent thirty minutes with a child under age 8, you are aware that children do not deal well with “fluff”.  Unnecessary details are boring and many times, create misgivings.   

As therapists, we sometimes have to step aside and get out of the way of our child clients.  Fortunately for us, most of our child clients will let us know through a look, a body movement, or some other sign that we are way off! (aka incongruent)  When this happens to me, I smile inside and remember, “KISS, stupid.”

Welcome!

Just what the world needs, another blahhhggg.....

Therapy Unrefined isn't meant to reinvent the wheel, but (hopefully) serve two purposes:

- Provide a place for me to share what works, what flops, and my two cents on what therapy is all about.
- Maintain my sanity by giving me an outlet and connecting with others who are underpaid, overworked, and happy about it (aka therapists)


With that being said, my blogs won't always be grammatically correct, because i like using the ellipsis...a lot.  And i haphazardly capitalize.  But it's my blog, and I'm taking full liberties with it. :)

First post coming soon...thanks...Jen